The explanation for how to let things go is sometimes easy and sometimes very complex. Good health, good relationships and a good lifestyle requires you to let go over and over and over again. We have to continually let go of everything from clutter to negative emotions and painful feelings. Personal growth and forward movement depends on our ability to let go.
One of my favorite letting go quotes is from Andy Law. He says, “Unless you are prepared to give up something valuable you will never be able to truly change at all, because you’ll be forever in the control of things you can’t give up.” We could apply this to so many things, like giving up or letting go of a painful experience with a family member or letting go of a misunderstanding. Or maybe it’s kitchen clutter or social media like Facebook or Instagram. Usually, letting go doesn’t feel easy. It’s much more comfortable to hold on tight. A little part of us thinks that if we hold on to all of it, we’ll always have enough. Holding on is safe, comfortable and easy. At least that’s what we tell ourselves.
How to let things go
There’s no exact science on how to let things go but my best advice is to treat letting go as a daily practice. Below are three ways to help you think about how to let things go. If you are going through a difficult time and have very heavy things to let go of, ask for help. Seek professional help and work with a therapist or another mental health professional.
1. Ask lots of questions.
Whether you want to let go of a thought, let go of a job, let go of of a bad relationship or let go of a jacket you never wear, ask lots of questions. Use the answers for reflection, feedback and actions steps. Ask questions like,
- Does this add value to my life?
- What would I feel like without this thing?
- Does this really matter to me?
- If letting go immediately isn’t possible, what’s a good exit strategy?
- If I was starting over, would I add this thing to my life again?
- What helpful advice would I offer someone I love about letting go of this thing?
2. Create a daily practice to let things go.
Make a commitment to let at least one thing go every single day. Let go of easy things first like clutter you don’t care about, junk mail, an annoying thought, or something else that you can move away from without much friction or energy. Next, create an action plan for letting go of something that requires more time and energy and give it some attention every day. For example when I started Be More with Less back in 2010, I really wanted to let go of my job. I wasn’t in a financial position to just quit, so I created an exit strategy. Every day for more than a year, I’d write, “QUIT MY JOB” at the top of my to-do list as a reminder to work towards this goal. 16 months later, I did it!
3. Consider that holding onto things might be harder than letting them go.
Shifting your thoughts and philosophy around your attachment to almost anything can be very helpful. What if holding on to something was harder than letting it go? When you think about the time, energy, space, emotion and attention involved in holding on to something, it makes the idea of letting go feel almost easy, or at least not as impossible as you may have initially thought. This is not to say that some things aren’t worth that time, energy, space, emotion and attention. Some things are and the only way to to show up for them is to let go of the things that are not.
7 Things You Can Let Go Of Right Now
1. Start with clutter.
Clutter is a great place to start when creating a daily practice of letting go. Place a box by your door and drop something in it every day. Practice the power of letting go by giving away your candle holders, jeans and jackets you never wear, extra dishes, cups, odds, ends, and other things that don’t really matter to you. If you struggle to declutter, remember this. If you aren’t sure what to let go of, try some of these items.
2. Let go of control.
Most things are not within our control and still, we try not to lose our grip. In my experience, we try to control things so life doesn’t feel so uncertain. Shifting our attention towards the acceptance of uncertainty gives us more room to breathe, love and enjoy our lives. When we aren’t holding on so tightly we can surrender to the idea that some things aren’t up to us. It’s then that we can even begin to delight in uncertainty.
3. Let go of bitterness.
Bitterness doesn’t serve anyone. It turns to anger and disappointment and eats us up on the inside. It gets in the way of connection, of laughter and overall life satisfaction. If you feel bitter about something, explore it. Ask questions. See if there is a way to extend forgiveness (even if there hasn’t been an apology). Forgive for yourself and for the mental space it will create to let go of the bitterness.
4. Let go of people pleasing.
It’s wonderful to do nice things for other people but when you continually sacrifice your own time and energy, disappointing yourself to please others, it’s time to check in on your motivation. What do you get from the pleasing part? The most painful part of this habit may be the dishonesty of saying one thing (yes) and thinking another (no). Set boundaries to protect your time and energy especially with the people who don’t respect your time and energy. Practice saying no, even when you aren’t busy doing other things. Then, start replacing your people pleasing with a daily simple pleasure.
5. Let go of FOMO.
Letting go of FOMO means trading the need to catch up, keep up, and measure up for a chance to connect and engage with what or who is right in front of you and what matters most to you. It can’t all matter at the same time so be willing to let go of the fear of missing out. I feel lucky to miss out. It means I really care about where I’m choosing to direct my attention and spend my time.
6. Let go of past mistakes.
Holding on to past mistakes means holding on to guilt or regret. If feeling bad about things that have already happened or didn’t happen is a problem for you, redirect your thoughts and energy. Every moment you spend holding onto guilt for something you cannot change is a moment that you don’t spend being joyful, creative, loving, or present. Learn what you can from past mistakes and then gently release them.
7. Let go of scarcity mindset.
Erica Cook says,“I’m not interested in competing with anyone. I hope we all make it.” I agree. If we are always afraid of not having enough, our energy is fear-based instead of love-based. Things aren’t always fair, equal or equitable but if more of us are defining what enough means to us, we’ll feel better and help others along the way. As the saying goes, a rising tide lifts all boats.
Consistency is more important than intensity when it comes to letting go of things. Practice with the things above or with other daily habits. Let go over and over again for better relationships, good sleep and a happier life.